Empty Nest Syndrome
What It Is and How to Cope
Have the lives of your children so filled your life that the realization that they'll soon be gone leaves you sad? This is what the empty nest syndrome is all about. It signifies a new stage in your life.
A Women's Issue
The empty nest syndrome affects women more than men, although fathers also have to deal with the change. The syndrome was a common crisis years ago when most mothers stayed home full time. Their lives revolved around their children and making their home a haven. They were identified as someone's wife or mother. Who they were was closely linked to their family role. When their children left, many felt empty and lost because they felt useless.
Times have changed, and the vast majority of women rejoin the work force before their children leave home. This gives women the chance to find stimulating work inside and outside of the home. Women have options to develop their own identity, unlike past generations. Today's full-time homemakers are also better at developing their own identity and don't necessarily fall prey to the syndrome.
Your feelings about your children leaving are probably mixed. You're a little relieved to have some privacy, quiet and time to develop your own interests. But you also feel sad because the children you loved and nurtured are leaving, and you don't remember life without them. You also worry about your children's safety. See this process as a fact that you're aging, and know that there will be some emptiness from losing the daily responsibility for these cherished human beings.
How to Cope
The most important thing is to develop your own identity throughout your child-rearing years. It's important to give yourself space and time. Set personal goals that don't involve your family. Take art classes, try your hand at writing or read a book a week.
It's essential to spend time together as a couple while rearing your children. You don't want to wonder who that stranger is in your bed and forget the reason you chose him for a mate. If all you ever talked about was the kids, that mistake will haunt you now. You may find a marriage encounter group helpful or take time to renew your marriage through intimate talks to freshen the romance.
It helps to realize that letting go is a gradual process. The nest will not be truly empty because there will be many family events in the future. They will be different than your life before, but still pleasurable. It must be noted that the nest is often refilled in our society. If your children come home to roost again, or your aging parents need care, it can refill your nest just as you begin to enjoy your freedom.
When to Seek Help
If you're trying to learn about who you are, and feel great loss and depression at the thought of change, you could benefit from professional counsel. You're at a great time in your life to open new doors. If you can only count up the losses and are unable to take pleasure in the pluses, it's time to get help in redirecting your life.